Same But Different

According to LDOCE:

Commencement- [uncountable and countable] American English a ceremony at which university, college, or high school students receive their diplomas [= graduation]

Convocation- [countable usually singular] American English the ceremony held when students have finished their studies and are leaving a college or university

I use the two words interchangeably because to me, it is simply "graduation". I can't quite tell how I feel towards graduation. Happy? Not quite. Relieved? Definitely not. Uncertain? Yes, it is there. Apprehensive? Yes, unfortunately, that too.

My parents are getting themselves excited over the commencement ceremony. I can tell how happy and proud(?) they were yesterday, when I finally brought home the academic gown. They both commented, at different times, "My daughter is wearing a square top cap (四方帽)." To which, I replied, "but you be seeing hundreds of people wearing that on that day, it's no big deal.." on both times.

Ok, I admit, that was pretty inconsiderate of me. Upon reflection, I told myself to think think and feel more in their shoes. They belong to the group of people who still see university graduates as amazing and terrific people despite the fact that I've been telling them that a large population of the graduates are not as amazing and terrific as they appear to be. So they don't have to be in awe of all of them, just the really good ones will do and honestly, I don't fit the bill of a good one. I'm just a normal, average graduate and I don't want them to have overly high expectation of me lest they be disappointed.

I think I know where is their happiness coming from. They are looking at me from my parents' points of view and not relative to who I am and where I stand among the other graduates out there. It hasn't been easy grooming two children from primary school to university. I gotta give them credit for this. They are starting to reap their rewards, of course they have every damn right to be happy. I shan't deny them of any good feelings they are feeling or are about to feel about the commencement. Take whatever photos you want Mama, I guess I can cooperate if the poses are not too demanding..

I recently read an essay written by an ex-teacher of mine which was published in ZaoBao last Saturday. It is about him leaving for foreign countries to further his studies and the relationship shared between he and his mum prior to his departures, during their separation and when he returned home. His internal and external struggles, the conflicts he had with his mum, especially the bittersweet long distance calls, are things I find myself being able to relate to for I have had similar experiences during my SEP stint and a few other episodes. And I sincerely hope that I can change for the better, just like how he has changed over the years. Maybe we won't ever be perfect but it would be great if we can find ourselves to be increasingly adequate in our respective roles of a son or a daughter as we grower older.

People often find themselves in similar or perhaps, same situations but no one will have the same experience as another because we are unique beings leading unique lives. The same applies to the relationships with our parents. Each one of us is an unique person in our parents' eyes.