At Twenty-Three

The 23rd, what an insignificant year. But it surely holds some significant meanings to some of us. Me, for one, feels more strongly than ever for my dearies, more grateful than ever to have them by my side and spends more time and effort thinking of them, feeling for them.

So much so that at times, it hurts.

This is what happens when I have extra time at hand, I think. I think responsibly, irresponsibly, rationally and irrationally. I think about happy things and feel especially happy; about sad things and tear spontaneously. I wasn't so emotional when I was studying.

Studying drains away emotions. I'm glad to have this break after four years, to have some time to think, feel and daydream. I imagine working to be worse.

I told two persons on separate occasions that I am small-hearted. They on the other hand, are who I considered to be big-hearted people. They extend their friendship and love to many while I channel mine to a specific few. Only they matter, the rest, to put it simply, is just 'the rest'.

I am a friendship scrooge and even more so for love.

In this way, few people can affect me, much less 'hurt' me. But when they do, I can get quite affected and upset. Like when I see a friend's life spiralling downwards, my mood heads southwards and my temper flares. If she were someone less important, she wouldn't have invoke so much negative emotions in me. As much as I know that this is unhealthy for our relationship, I do not want to relent, for relenting would mean that I'm condoning her (mis)deeds. I hope to develop a lovingly-firm stance and maintain it.

Great. Now I sound like a parent, way before my time. All thanks to her. -__-

Anyway, I am glad to have my people priorities re-organised and reaffirmed. I want to remember that at twenty-three, it is high time to think about what I can do for my family and friends rather than what they can do for me.